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From the Pupman archives (Humor) (fwd)



Ha ha!  As the last line says "peanut butter and jelly is done." :-)

Chip

---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Thu, 21 Jun 2007 09:58:03 -0400
From: Daniel Kline <daniel_kline@xxxxxxxxxxx>
To: Tesla list <tesla@xxxxxxxxxx>
Subject: From the Pupman archives (Humor)

For those of you who missed this the first time around...:-)
--

Message 1
From: newbiecoiler-at-pupman-dot-com

I know this is off-topic, but I am thinking about making myself a peanut 
butter and jelly sandwich for lunch.
Please advise.

Message 2
From: vpitempkin-at-pupman-dot-com

Peanut butter should be slowly stirred for 17 hours and 32 minutes, then
evaporated to a specifc gravity of 92.7 exactly. After lightly sanding 
the surface of the bread with drywall sanding net, apply the peanut 
butter in three very thin layers to the upper surface of the bottom 
slice of bread and smooth with a 3 inch rubber spatula. Various 
applications of jelly and jam will yield different results.

Contact me off list if you'd like me to send you the complete schematic 
for a hand designed peanut-butter stirrer, or a steam powered toaster 
designed to provide precise breadal alignment in the last few minutes of 
toasting. It's patently obvious that other methods of preparation 
produce an inferior sandwich.

Message 3
From: regular-at-pupman-dot-com

Peanut butter and Jelly is the only sandwich worth making. I have been
living on PBJ for ten years now, with great success.

Message 4
From: PPA-at-pupman-dot-com

I can't imagine why anyone would voluntarily make a peanut butter and 
jelly sandwich. It's tiresome, irresponsible, and the end result is less
attractive than the sardines with onions that real coilers prefer. Wake 
up and smell the sardines.

Message 5
From: whybother-at-pupman-dot-com

I buy the peanut butter and jelly already mixed together in the jar at
Kroger. I don't know what it's made of, but it's good. You can also 
order them ready made from the deli, in a little styro box with a bag of 
chips, for $5 each.

Message 6
From: coilingpurist-at-pupman-dot-com

It doesn't matter what you put on the bread, as long as it has a 
workable bread body. You need to mix your own bread by hand, mixing the 
dry ingredients first (wear a flour mask). I have been making my own 
bread with my own recipes all my life, and today's sandwich makers have 
no idea what making a sandwich is all about.

Message 7
From: bythebox-at-pupman-dot-com

I got a bad loaf of Taystee bread, it was the honey oatmeal kind and it 
had big chunks of hard stuff all the way through. When I put it in the 
toaster, parts of it didn't toast at all and other parts caught fire. I 
called the 800 number and they said to send them some of the toast, but 
what do I do with the rest of this loaf of bread?

Message 8
From: vivelaspark-at-pupman-dot-com

Attached please find the MSDS data for peanut butter. Life threatening
peanut allergies would require the use of an airtight kevlar suit, 
asbestos gloves and enclosed oxygen-tank breathing system. By no means 
should these substances be ingested, or breathed airborn particles.
(Attachment)

Message 9
From: eurocoiler-at-pupman-dot-com

Can someone please explain to me what PBJ stands for? What is a Kroger?
Please remember that the pupman list is an international list and not 
everyone lives in the continental US or speaks "American"...

Message 10
From: taysteebread-at-pupman-dot-com

I am writing to respond to a recent attack on my company. I want to 
remind sandwich makers that flour is a naturally grown product and might 
contain varying amounts of weevils, microscopic molds and other 
variations that are beyond our control. We recommend that buyers test a 
slice of bread before committing to an entire meal.

The loaf in question was tested at the bakery and passed with flying 
colors. The fault was in the toasting methods of the individual buyer.

Message 11
From: McRantimator-at-pupman-dot-com

I'd like to see some of these so called peanut butter sandwiches of 
yours. I was making peanut butter sandwiches before you ever thought 
about making lunch, and they are way out of your league. Why don't you 
ask your rich daddy to hire you a cook to make your lunch? Be sure to 
wipe the peanut butter off your mouth before you go back to kissing up 
to the man. I'm going to go wash down my peanut butter with a red stripe 
or two.

Message 12
From: predictable-at-pupman-dot-com

I think this topic of peanut butter sandwiches has gone on long enough.
Shouldn't the moderator do his job and stop posting this annoying drivel?

Message 13
From: coilgoddess-at-pupman-dot-com

Here are the jelly and jam tests for Pete's strawberry, Orange 
marmalade, Raspberry jam with and without seeds, Apricot Shino, and 
Grape purple on both white bread and whole wheat..
(Attachment)

Message 14
From: moderator-at-pupman-dot-com

make the sandwich.

make 100 of them, and you will begin to understand how a sandwich works.

then make 100 more.

it's lunch.

Everyone has to eat.

Message 15
From: primalblather-at-pupman-dot-com

When I was a kid, my grandmother taught me to make jam from berries we
picked in the woods behind the hunting cabin up north... now I pick 
berries with my little homeschooled children to mix in breastmilk yogurt 
and we make organic fruit juice sweetened jam and blah blah blah blah 
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah 
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah 
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...

Yours, Kelly in the flatlands,
where we'll have pbj today as soon as we drop off 7 loaves of fresh 
whole wheat bread at the soup kitchens and blah blah blah blah blah....

Message 16
From: coilguru-at-pupman-dot-com

Coilgoddess, according to my calculations your blackberry recipe is a 
little too high in the proportion of sugar to pectin. It seems it would 
run off the sides of the sandwich, and might be unstable with an acidic 
bread such as sourdough buns. I'm sending a revised recipe that might 
give better results.
(Attachment)

Message 17
From: fedup-at-pupman-dot-com

This subject has been covered on the pupman list exhaustively in the 
past. If you'd check the archives under "lunch options" you wouldn't 
have to waste everybody's time.

Message 18
From: Txjunkyard-at-pupman-dot-com

I have made servicable butter knives for spreading purposes out of road
signs, cut out with a metal saw and filed to the appropriate shapes. I 
don't use a knife myself, having built a peanut butter extruder out of 
the shock absorbers of a 57 chevy truck. I have found that making toast 
is nicest if you use a wood fired toaster.

Message 19
From: TxRed-at-pupman-dot-com

Peanut butter and jelly is a fine sandwich. Go ahead and try it, and let 
us know how it turns out.

Message 20
From: mustlightenup-at-pupman-dot-com

I really don't think this is an appropriate conversation for a public 
forum. All this discussion of buns and kissing up seems completely 
unnecessary. What if a kindergarten class were to read the pupman list 
and find all this debauchery?

Really, moderator, this has gone far enough.

Message 20
From: redherring-at-pupman-dot-com

The issue of sandwiches and lunchmaking is not as simple as it may 
sound. For some people, peanut butter is a deadly toxin; others with 
diabetes can not enjoy the jellies and jams you all seem to take for 
granted.

It is high time we in this country recognize the plot on the part of the 
food industry to poison our planet and its inhabitants with dangerous 
and sub-standard nutritive substances, all in the name of marketing and 
the almighty dollar.

When will the world wake up and recognize that sustainably harvested 
wheatgrass juice and non genetically modified soy products are the key 
to human survival in an increasingly hostile world?

Message 21
From: lostandfound-at-pupman-dot-com

I would like to join the pupman Tesla list please. I have a white 
computer with a grey keyboard, sitting on my kitchen counter in Podnik, 
Iowa. Please connect me to your discussion group.

Message 22
From: moderator-at-pupman-dot-com

peanut butter and jelly is done.

time to move on.

the moderator.